HalifaxCB aka GammaRat

A prominent American paedophile has found a clever way of avoiding prison for his crimes: he is going to nuke a mountain. The man is a close associate of billionaire philanthropist Jeffrey Epstein and just happens to be President of the United States. Say what you want about Americans, but they are impeccable judges of character. A couple of days ago President Trump pulled his colleagues into a meeting in Washington and briefed them on a major national security threat. While I can’t disclose the specifics for legal reasons, I can confirm the threat involves 13-year-old girls, hidden cameras, and a ransom note from Netanyahu. Thankfully there is a solution: destroy the nuclear site that they’ve already destroyed to win the war that they’ve already won 27 times. The ransom note said Trump just has to blow up Pickaxe mountain in Iran and everything goes away—and I mean everything goes away. If Iran gets nukes, it might use them to end the world, so the Epstein axis is gonna use nukes first. Senator Chris Murphy was at the meeting and he was so impressed, he said: “I will just say this: their plan is insane. It will lead to devastating escalation and likely destruction.” Shortly after his little outburst, the CIA poisoned Chris Murphy and made him have a stroke. What do you mean—that was Mossad? Surely you realise the CIA and Mossad are one organisation now? Netanyahu has been calling Trump every day, demanding the nuclear strike comes immediately after the mid-terms. Trump’s choice is simple: go down—or take everyone else down with him. So of course he’s doing the homourable thing: he’s taking everyone else down with him. It’s kinda like how servants were buried alive with their pharoahs to escort them into the afterlife, only it’s gonna be much more painful. You’d think everyone was ecstatic about the plan, but some deluded idiots are saying it won’t succeed. Sure you can’t blast through a billion tons of granite, but you can’t go to jail either if everyone’s dead. As far as Trump’s concerned, there’s no way this one can fail. Hilariously, I’ve heard some express concern about the effects on the global economy. Economy? Bless! If they’re lucky, they’ll be rubbing sticks together and hunting mutant pigeons by the time this is over. Moments after the nuke goes off, Kyiv and Seoul will go poof and missiles will be flying back and forth across the India/Pakistan border. November 5 is gonna have the mother of all fireworks displays! By November 6, your eyeballs will start bleeding and you’ll start coughing up pieces of your lungs. The end of the world is gonna be nothing if not hilarious. I asked one American about dying an agonising death for Trump and here is what they said: “Well, it sure sounds better than life under Sharia law… Look, I’d support Trump no matter what. I’ve even let him grab me by the pussy, but unfortunately I’m not female, nor am I a minor.” The biggest concern now is that Trump gets cold feet, but don’t worry, I can assure you he’s advised by the stupidest men alive: Pete Hegseth and Marco Rubio. Plus Netanyahu has those Epstein tapes so there’s no avoiding this nuclear holocaust. Just know that when the sky goes dark and your skin flakes off, it means the paedophile is not going to prison.