Nobody cared who I was until I turned in my nightstick for a pair of chopsticks.
New York, NY
Joined August 2026
- Tweets1K
- Following374
- Followers233
- Likes18.9K
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
I remember my young friend showing me his uncircumcised penis behind the school one day and being horrified, I had never seen one before. When I asked him why it looked like that he said nigga you’re thirty five years old you tell me
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Playing monopoly with my friends and calling the cheap brown properties Martin Luther King Jr Blvd and Memphis.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Walking into the massage parlor and turning down on all the hot oriental girls for the mama San with the gnarled arthritic hands so I can experience what a Han dynasty bound footjob felt like
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Doctor: Sleazy, your bloodwork came back. It's the best we've ever seen for a man your age. What's your secret?
-Thank u, Dr. Mbakwe. Lot of Popeyes chicken & Four Loko. Plus a pack of Newports a day.
Doctor: You're doing great! Dont change a thing. Keep it up.
-Will do, Doc.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Was sitting across a very cute woman on the subway earlier and noticed she appeared to have an older model IPhone. I attempted to airdrop her a risky meme in a flirtatious manner and I heard a loud black man at the end of the train go "MANE, WHO SENDING ME THIS GAY ASS SHIT!"
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Meeting a niceish young lady with only a few tattoos she regrets and referring to her as "my fixer upper." My parents think I think I can fix her but we're really into coke and she goes crazy when I do the Tim Allen grunt in her pussy.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
A man’s loneliness is a cathedral, and last night I gave a tour to a Jehovah’s Witness who stayed forty minutes because I stood between him and the door with an aggressor's erection.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Coffee so black it sets the rear sight on it's AK to 1000 yards thinking it shoots harder
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Hitting “No Tip” at the Mexican restaurant and telling the waitress, “Remember the Alamo,” before she reminds me I’m at an Olive Garden.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Found out the cute barista’s shift ends at 9 and showed up with flowers to surprise her. After her eyes did a thing I’d only ever seen on deer, I watched as she backed across the parking lot with keys clenched between the knuckles of her shaking fist. Ball is in her court now.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
The wife has been denying all my advances at sex lately and cooked me a bullshit crockpot dinner tonight so I been in the living room pelting her black son in the back of the head with peanut m&m's and muttering slurs at him
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
This happened to me except it was cum on my sheets that my mom found while I was at school. It was my cum tho I did that shit.
When I was around fourteen my dad confronted me over a charge on the cable bill for some pay per view porno movie to which he naturally assumed I purchased. I don’t know if it was a glitch or something but I really did not order it. This thing is though I knew this was the case, as I tried to explain myself to my obviously dubious father even I kind of didn’t believe what I was saying, it felt like lying about the truth somehow
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Throwing up the Wakanda Forever salute to a group of black teens outside the gas station so they know I’m one of the good white people right before getting a cup of Lean smashed into my cracker ass face.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Coincidence? Planned? A magician never reveals his secrets. Unless he practices black magic, then you're gonna hear "nigga this a robbery" and your wallet gets pulled out of a hat.
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
Back when people used to say “How it feels to chew 5 gum,” this is what I imagined it felt like
HowlingKabukiman retweeted
I may be a physical coward. But Ive quietly lived a more adventurous emotional life than any of you “chads” could dream of
