Yes, affairs are, among other things, massive failures of imagination. A quick story: Years ago, a neighbor of mine called me and asked to talk. He'd (literally) already packed his bags. He was moving out of his house, leaving behind his wife and little daughter. I was completely shocked. He'd grown completely infatuated with a coworker, and was going to move in with her and start a new life. His wife still wanted to make it work, and asked him to at least call me before he left. I went to his house. We talked for more than two hours. And here's what I did: I told him all the things that were going to happen because of this for the rest of his life. I was familiar with this, because I went through all this as a kid, and my dad is STILL suffering because of his actions. To this day. I just went down the list: Christmases without his little girl; he won't get to coach her T-ball team, sitting separately at weddings or graduations, so many specific and lasting regrets. Not to mention the likely failure of the next relationship. To his great credit, and despite his temporary overwhelming feelings, he stayed. I've lost touch with him over the years, but I'm confident he doesn't regret that. Desires limit our view. We have to have an expanded vision to avoid becoming slaves to them. We become slaves to them at our peril, and the great peril of those around us, people whom we purport to love.