@UpsideDad

Father of 9 at last count. Fan of The Office and Oxford commas. Seen in @HuffPostParents @Cheezburger @TODAYshow @BuzzFeed @BoredPanda and more. My tweets ⬇️

 WA to AZ to CO
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Joined December 2021
  • Tweets10.7K
  • Following1.7K
  • Followers3.3K
1KMedia
I bought some frozen corn at the store and the nice old lady at the checkout told me all about her family’s cream corn recipe and how I had to try it and I didn’t have the heart to tell her I just had a vasectomy and the corn was going on my balls.
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Every marriage has one person who wants to arrive at the airport 2 hours early & the other wants to arrive when they’re closing the gate.
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Me (in a meeting): …no stigma… My tween, from across the street: DID YOU JUST SAY NO SIGMA
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meghan
@deloisivete8 Oct 2025
Unmuting myself at the end of a meeting just to say "nothing on my end"
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I’ll take early retirement for $500, Alex.
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I already tripped over my own feet twice this morning and it’s not even 8am
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Okay who put this water in my wine glass, reveal yourselves reverse Jesus.
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meghan
@deloisivete8 Oct 2025
My kid has been telling me about his video game for so long, I think it officially counts as a podcast
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saying “who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door
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Kristen@Kica3338 Oct 2025
My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.
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meghan
@deloisivete9 Oct 2025
A new house isn’t truly a home until you’ve let a bag of salad die in the fridge
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Everything went downhill when we stopped loading planes from the back to the front.
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I got 10 out of 10 for effort at the hygenist earlier. Having chocolate non-stop to celebrate.
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Me: I’m terrified of cheese. Therapist: K, so? Me: *screams*
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My husband thinks I’m afraid to drive anywhere but it’s the lack of parking I’m really afraid of.
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Man these are nice scissors -me, about to get in trouble for opening a pack of bacon with my wife’s scissors.
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Does anyone calling another person ever actually want them to answer?
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My kid wants to get a pet duck, which I oppose, but my kid said she would name it "Alequacker Hamilton," and I'm not saying that convinced me to get a pet duck, but that's the most compelling case I've heard so far to get a pet duck.
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Marriage is just asking each other “what do you want to do for dinner?” & then replying “no, not that” until death do us part.
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My 14yo: (sees me grab keys while she's getting ready for bed) Where are you going Me: Running an errand for your mother and I before the place closes. 14yo: Getting what Me: uh, perishable foods 14yo: Me: 14yo: I want to stay up and eat ice cream too... Me: (already left)
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Katie D@KatieDeal9918 Jun 2025
Got a new sponge today and was really excited because it was so scrubby and god being an adult is depressing
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