Dino Kale

Folks, we can’t make heads or tails of this. There’s an absolute headscratcher of a situation going on with this upstate New York dive: It’s impossible to tell whether everyone in this small town bar is dressed for Halloween, or that’s just what people look like there. Either these people are in Halloween costumes, or they look that way all the time, and both answers have an equal likelihood of being true. This is a true coin flip. With outfits and demeanors ranging from eccentric to downright frightening, no one could be faulted for assuming that the clientele of Knoxie’s Pub in Lafayette, NY went all out for Halloween, or that the area simply fosters a socioeconomic class of people who always look like that. From the three greasy, cackling men in flannels who could easily be doing a three-person group costume referencing Deliverance, to the nurse with conspicuous cleavage and too much makeup flirting with an eye-patched man in a fisherman’s slicker, it’s a total toss-up whether these people came straight from work or Party City. To the naked eye, every bargoer in Knoxie’s Pub exists in the razor-thin margin between real-life archetypes and Halloween costume stereotypes. There are only two places where you’ll see genuine hippies in Baja hoodies and dreadlocks drinking alongside bandana-wearing, mustached bikers: a Halloween party, or an upstate New York dive bar. Knoxie’s Pub seems to be a genuine liminal space separating the two, because there is no telling if this is what the regulars look like on any given day, or just on October 31st. There’s literally an old man with yellow-y skin and a bolo tie–who, if he isn’t dressed as Grandpa Simpson, needs to go to a hospital, because he’s clearly dying of liver disease or something–getting ejected by a bouncer wearing Stone Cold Steve Austin-style jeans and leather vest. It is a complete enigma. Halloween, and just any other night at this pub…what’s the difference? Your guess is as good as ours. Until someone goes into this bar and asks, the question of whether these people love Halloween or their natural appearance just serves as Halloween costume inspo will remain a complete mystery. Festive or not, cheers to the people of Knoxie’s Pub for looking like that, whatever the reason may be!

Wikipedia can be a great resource if you need to learn about, say, the Tuvaluan language or Freemasonry, but this is going to insult your intelligence so much that you might just go back to using regular encyclopedias: Clearly, Wikipedia thinks we’re all stupid as hell, because they have a page for ‘Dog.’ “Uhhhh durrrr, what is dog?”—us, according to Wikipedia, apparently. Hidden in plain sight amid all sorts of useful information that non-idiots might actually need to look up is a little Wikipedia Easter egg that basically says, “We have zero respect for our readers and we think they’re all morons”: A lengthy page describing in detail what a dog—an animal that literally everyone knows about—is. And if that isn’t enough of an affront, the page also contains multiple pictures of dogs in case some slack-jawed, drooling Wikipedia user might still be confused as to which animal was being described in the first sentence of the entry, which reads, “The dog is a domesticated descendant of the wolf.” Ohhhhhhh! Those things?! Thanks, Wikipedia! Wikipedia’s “Dog” page includes such facts intended for idiots as, “A dog’s senses include vision, hearing, smell, taste, touch,” and, “There are many different shapes for dog tails.” Even worse, the first word defined under the “Terminology” section is “Dog,” because apparently Wikipedia thinks that even after looking directly at a photo of a golden retriever, we might need another reminder of what that term signifies. Unbelievable. What a rude way to treat your loyal users, Wikipedia. Having a page for “Dog” is a slap in the face to the brilliant, curious minds who use Wikipedia every day to learn about fungus or get up to speed on international politics or whatever. We seriously hope no one has ever actually visited this page and given Wikipedia the satisfaction of knowing that there are actually people out there who are as stupid as they think we are. It’s time to flag this one for deletion for implying anyone would be that goddamned dumb.