My knob is the same size as a Greggs sausage roll. I'm no longer allowed in Greggs.
Joined January 2014
- Tweets104K
- Following1.8K
- Followers6.1K
- Likes30.7K
Jon retweeted
plastic surgeon: so, what are we having today sir?
Barry: [taps picture]
plastic surgeon: umm.. Mr Manilow, this is a flyer for the bakery next door, that's.. that's a brioche bun sir
Barry: [aggressively jabs at flyer]
Jon retweeted
If I had to draw a picture of a man I’d find behind someone’s bins, it would be this exact picture
Billie Piper 'obsessed' fan jailed for 12 months for stalking Doctor Who star
mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-n…
Jon retweeted
Imagine if you lived on the moon and suddenly one day had a load of perverts eyeballing you through colanders, tinfoil and pinprick in cardboard.
Didn’t think of that did you? No, you only think of yourself.
Selfish bastard.
Jon retweeted
"Hahaha, yeah, he does look just like me."
"But seriously though, I did not murder Ann Widdecombe."
ALT Side-by-side shots of Frank Lampard being interviewed, laughing in the first one, and sporting a serious expression in the second one.
Jon retweeted
does anyone know if the deadline has passed for guessing how many eggs Joshua Kerry has in his jar
Jon retweeted
The question I get asked the most, finally answered. #Kin
Jon retweeted
“Paulie Walnuts" Gualtieriis is a fictional character portrayed by Tony Sirico on the HBO series The Sopranos
Jon retweeted
Do you notice people are mourning Sam Neill while making jokes about Lindsay Graham?
Thats probably because Sam wasn’t a bigoted cunt.
Jon retweeted
A friend of my sister’s and a tragic, painful tale of how your life can change in a split second.
Share if you can ❤️
gofund.me/6b524db29
Jon retweeted
why is the media on Prince Andrew's back he seems a nice fellow doing what he can to help the UK.What's he done wrong, have I missed it ?
Jon retweeted
No fucking way Trump bathes or showers on his own. He’s cleaned by others like an elephant.
