Stap the Mattness

Oh great, another day of Matt knows everything and everyone else is an idiot.

Headset on. Talking into my headset. Coworker standing beside me awkwardly- “hey are you on a call?”

Bubly is interesting, they’ve got flavours like peach and orange, but the ingredients are carbonated water and “natural flavours”. Okay, so like peaches and oranges?

When basketball players flex both biceps after getting the ball in the net, like how heavy is that basketball? Must be pretty heavy.

Married couple out jogging together like their new year’s resolution is to get a divorce.

I called the sun out yesterday and this morning it came out so hard I couldn’t see a goddamn thing on the way to the office.

Wash a handful of multivitamins down with an ice cold pilsner. Ease into those resolutions.

I haven’t seen the sun in 17 days, is that big shiny bitch on vacation?