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MomLog

@_Momlog_

Stay at home mom to a 1-year-old anarchist. Freelance writer. Aspiring momedian.

 Chicago, IL
clippings.me/meganosberger
Joined September 2017
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BREAKING: WSJ reports that Trump's Lawyer Michael Cohen paid Porn Star Stormy Daniels $130K to keep quiet about a sexual encounter she had with Donald Trump.
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I just found out adults are dying from eating Tide pods and suddenly I feel like my life is far more in order than I thought...
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No I'm not going out on New Year's Eve, I'm not a Kardashian.
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Husband: We should clean out our toddler's playroom. Me: So you're telling me to clean out the playroom. H: No, I said WE Narrator: He never had any intention of actually doing it himself.
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I don’t always regret having children but when I do it’s usually because I took them all to a store with me.
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I miss the 2000’s, we had Harry Potter books and movies coming out at the same time. That was living.
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I can’t teach your kids good manners, but based on my own kids I could probably teach yours how to walk out of a room while you’re still talking to them.
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To be any more self-conscious, I would have to be my own conjoined twin.
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On a scale of 1 to ‘Gynecologist Office Check-In on Facebook’, how much do you like attention?
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"Daddy's a lot nicer than you are, Mommy." "That's probably due to all of the extra rest he gets, sweetheart."
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#resourceful (follow @BPMbadassmama)
Image from Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy)
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Meghan Markle is 36 and engaged to a prince. I'm 36 and just found an almond in my sports bra. Guess we're both living the dream.
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"I can see that you’re trying to relax. Can I interest you in a menu of unpleasant hypothetical situations that probably won't occur? - My brain
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[i clean my room and drink a moderate amount of water throughout the day] fuuuck bro 2018 is gonna be my year i can feel it. the grind never sleeps 💯😤
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[My son's 1st day of school] ME [in tears] it's just gone way too fast TEACHER: Even so, you have to take him home now
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Ninety percent of visiting my relatives on holidays is just moving my car because I’m blocking someone who needs out.
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One day I’ve got this parenting thing on lock, and the next I catch them digging up the dead gerbil to “see his face one more time.”
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I want those blonde triplets to avenge Gaston’s murder. teapawt.org/scottEweinberg/status/…
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Men : why do you carry such a big purse? Also men : can you put this in your purse?
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Me to my children: I would kill and die for you Also me to my children: I AM NOT YOUR DAMN MAID AND WILL BURN ALL THE SHIT ON YOUR BEDROOM FLOORS IN A MASSIVE BONFIRE AND DANCE AROUND THE FLAMES IN GLORY AND RAGE
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