Jerry Lock, pallbearer for hire (@jlock17) | teapawt

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Jerry Lock, pallbearer for hire@jlock1724 Oct 2024

In the 70s, we’d lose a kid or two every fall bobbing for apples. The community knew and accepted the risks.

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Jerry Lock, pallbearer for hire@jlock177m

My Halloween costume is Santa Claus.

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Matty@bestestnameOct 29

I'm fine with being late. I don't even like worms.

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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

@MoMohlerOct 29

Candy corn is the 3rd best tasting Crayon.

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ɢʀɛɛռ ɢօɖ

@iGreenGodOct 30

The treadmill's best feature isn't the workout. It's the cup holder. Fits fries perfectly.

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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

@MoMohlerOct 29

HR will not drop a sexual harassment suit, no matter how good your Ric Flair impersonation is.

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Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey@MonkeysMarchOct 29

Who's the patron saint of functional crazy people...

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Reta Coffman@RetacofOct 29

“The Man” used to give me directions and say to head north. Then I would have to ask if that was towards Target or Dairy Queen?

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Forward March@RunOldManOct 29

I'm at my best when developing an elaborate hypothesis about an irrelevant subject.

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Jerry Lock, pallbearer for hire@jlock17Oct 29

I saw a fake Halloween cemetery at a trailer park. Nothing would be scarier than mobile home ghosts because you know those are new fresh ghosts and not old drag-ass haunted house apparitions.

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@BobTheSuitOct 28

If you take two extra strength Bufferin with a cup of Sanka you wake up in 1974 in the back of a Buick Regal.

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Binner@BinnerJrOct 14

True love is when she lets you know you have a booger hanging from your nose before anyone else notices. Or, it could be that she doesn’t want me to embarrass her, but I’m still pretty sure she loves me.

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Joe Pontillo@JoePontilloOct 28

I love when stores create an elaborate maze that leads to the cash registers. It's like "Do you have what it takes to pay!?"

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Terri@terrip38Oct 28

Duran Duran no longer has an excuse for being Hungry Like The Wolf. They can DoorDash.

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@kristabellerinaOct 27

Making us use a QR code to look at the menu is cruel and unusual punishment.

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Lurkin' Mom@LurkAtHomeMomOct 27

Evening Me: *eating Cheetos* it’s fine, I’ll just get up early tomorrow and run. Morning Me: *hitting snooze* it’s fine, I’ll just cut back on snacks. Evening Me: *eating Cheetos*

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Stu, For Real@StuForRealOct 27

You say nightmare scenario like it's a bad thing

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Mark McFeeters@mark_mcfeetersOct 28

how many ice cream sandwiches is too many. somebody give me a number.

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@AnneHatfieldVOOct 27

Once again they've ignored my nominee for Sexiest Man Alive. In my defense, he hasn't been dead that long.

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𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

@MoMohlerOct 27

I took 4 years of Spanish and this Subway sandwich "artist" is tryin to tell me that 'cinco de mayo' does not mean 'five times the mayo.'

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Jerry Lock, pallbearer for hire@jlock17Oct 27

That last tweet should be a pretty good indication I’m pulling the plug on this account.

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