porous/freak
Salty Spitoon
Joined September 2026
- Tweets872
- Following210
- Followers519
- Likes5.4K
HowlingSponge retweeted
Looking forward to my daily shit because the momentary pressure against my prostate is the only semblance of pleasure I get in my chud life
HowlingSponge retweeted
Found out the cute barista’s shift ends at 9 and showed up with flowers to surprise her. After her eyes did a thing I’d only ever seen on deer, I watched as she backed across the parking lot with keys clenched between the knuckles of her shaking fist. Ball is in her court now.
HowlingSponge retweeted
Calling upon every molecule of test in my body I manage to hand J'quamelius a bar of soap and ask if he kisses my wife with that mouth after catching him swearing at 2K
HowlingSponge retweeted
Yesterday I was gettin’ my salad tossed in in an Arby’s parking lot by the emfoidee on shift when suddenly she stops and exclaims, “I never knew some dudes have bussy flaps.. I like it!” and then she kept going, moaning even harder.. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it hurt a lot when she nipped my hemorrhoids with her teeth. So now I’ll be sitting on a donut pillow for the next week.
HowlingSponge retweeted
This happened to me except it was cum on my sheets that my mom found while I was at school. It was my cum tho I did that shit.
When I was around fourteen my dad confronted me over a charge on the cable bill for some pay per view porno movie to which he naturally assumed I purchased. I don’t know if it was a glitch or something but I really did not order it. This thing is though I knew this was the case, as I tried to explain myself to my obviously dubious father even I kind of didn’t believe what I was saying, it felt like lying about the truth somehow
HowlingSponge retweeted
There's a saying "like putting lipstick on a pig" but I feel like I'd be way more likely to kiss a pig with lipstick, this pig is putting in some effort. What is this pig wearing? A nice sundress maybe? I might fuck this pig guys.
HowlingSponge retweeted
Throwing up the Wakanda Forever salute to a group of black teens outside the gas station so they know I’m one of the good white people right before getting a cup of Lean smashed into my cracker ass face.
HowlingSponge retweeted
“WHAT DAT IS JEQUAIRIUS”
“Plane injin :DDD”
“YOU GON CHANGE THE DAM WORLD JEQUAIRIUS, YOU A JENUS”
HowlingSponge retweeted
Back when people used to say “How it feels to chew 5 gum,” this is what I imagined it felt like
HowlingSponge retweeted
Yelling “I can’t believe gay guys are into this shit huh!” to the doctor giving me my prostate exam trying to distract from the furious torrent of cum shooting out of my body
HowlingSponge retweeted
Regional found out I was using chloroform during prostate exams. now they just call me "Dr. golden fingers" and threatened to rape my wife.
HowlingSponge retweeted
In 9th grade, we had to make an anti-bullying video. I got paired with 2 Mexicans and an autistic Black kid. The Mexicans rob him, he runs to me yelling “OFFICUHH, DEM MEXICANS STOLE MY BAG!” and I get into a shootout with them. I do a badass roll-and-shoot, kill the last guy, then die when he falls on me with his knife. The video ends with the Black kid looting my body and stealing my wallet.
